disgust

it’s amazing how you can lose passion so quickly. i suppose 2 years of pushing papers around, being forced to take things into your own hands, create and define your own work environment because you tend to receive little or no guidance, whether you request sincerely or not, is more than enough to make me into someone extremely braindead. it has come to a point when i just plain dont care or bother to make the effort. i dont blame anyone but myself. but to be extremely honest, i have done the best that i could with what i was given, and delivered more. for some reason i wish there was something more i could do. i wish i could be pushed, could be prodded, could be mentored into learning more, accomplishing more. there is only so far one can do on their own. it doesnt help how i find out about what i could be assisting on from other people outside my team, when my own team members have opted to exclude me. whether for their own insecurities, or otherwise i dont ever want to be stuck in this rut again.

~ by minliii on September 30, 2009.